Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
