dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
