I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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