I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize