i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
