Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
