he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
