youre lurking in front of me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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