GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
