just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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