Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
