I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
