There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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