i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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