your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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