Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
