Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
