Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
