Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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