There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
