I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
