How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
