the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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