I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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