Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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