I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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