we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
