2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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