I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Farmville is her only friend.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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