I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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