He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
