A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Operation Purity has been aborted
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
