then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize