there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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