I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
