Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
