What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
