Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
