happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
