Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
