Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
