pop tarts are not kleenex
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
