genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
