I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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