you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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