i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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