Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
