My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
