You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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