that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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