he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize