ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
