my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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