So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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