I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
