I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
