420 ftw
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
