and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
