The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
