Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
