What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
