I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
