help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she looked like the before picture.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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