dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
