bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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