your parents love me but you hate me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize