Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
