I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
