may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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