Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
