You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize