on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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