Your mouth is God's brothel.
handjob tips. give me some.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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