I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
