Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
