I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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