how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
