I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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