You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
