I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
