Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
