The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize